14:00 – Movie – The Korean Matrix – Sci-fi thriller. Neojumma bends the laws of physics aboard the Seoul Subway system, as she manages to enter the train at the exact same point in both time and space as others exit.
16:00 – Healthwatch – Although kimchi cures MERS, SARS, Swine Flu, ingrown toenails and AIDS, the horrific salt content negates all of these miracles, leaving the nation back at square one.
18:00 – Evening News – Hagwon owners are outraged, as rumors abound that teachers will now have to possess some kind of TEFL credential, as opposed to the previous standard of blonde hair and big boobs.
20:00 – Stand-up Comedy – Johnny Furrerrnerr spends 90 hilarious minutes sneezing all over an appreciative crowd, building up to his big final gag… HE HAS MERS!
22:00 – Women’s Volleyball – Possibly the only reason for a foreign man in Korea to bother watching TV. Who cares that porn is blocked with this on TV?!
14:00 – Science in Focus – World renowned biologist and street food vendor Yu Bum-mi debunks the popular western myth that it takes hot water and soap to ensure good hygiene around a food cart. Watch as she sanitizes with only a bucket full of cold, but not quite potable water.
16:00 – Movie – The Great Escape! – MERS quarantine becomes too much for some, leading to a delivery bike being used in a desperate bid for freedom!
18:00 – Evening News – A lawsuit to make prostitution legal in Korea is set to leave citizens dazed and confused, as they look up at the array of ANMA signs and blacked out ‘Sports Massage’ shops and wonder how it isn’t legal already.
20:00 – Stand Up Comedy – Fart jokes told by men in sequinned dresses.
22:00 – Home Shopping Infomercial – In order to attract more customers, a truck with a loudspeaker is parked in the studio, utilizing a tried and trusted Korean sales tactic.
14:00 – Society Today – As gay pride activists are blocked by ultra-conservative Christians, there are worries that the situation will reflect badly on the Korean comedy and music industries, where teenage girls and grown men wear revealing sparkly dresses.
16:00 – Soccer Focus – Well known Korean soccer pundits give a nonchalant shrug to the shady dealings at FIFA, knowing full well that Korea wins hands down at corruption.
18:00 – Evening News – Reports are emerging of a Buddhist monk plotting to grow wings to evade MERS quarantine. The power of meditation is well documented, but still…
20:00 – Masterchef Korea – This week the contestants are given the task of curing MERS with kimchi. Why this hasn’t been thought of before, is anybody’s guess!
22:00 – Travelogue – Working holidays are gaining popularity amongst young Korean adults. However, other Koreans have been taking advantage of these youngsters, outside their home countries for the first time. Who would’ve thunk it!?
14:00 – Toilet Humor – Korean comedians consider the irony of Koreans being so terrified of MERS that they close a large chunk of public schools, whilst not bothering to wash their hands after bathrooms trips.
16:00 – Nascar Motor Racing – Seoul Special – The race comes to Korea with a twist: the cars will be replaced by seemingly much faster Kia Bongo trucks, Hyundai Starex vans, and clapped-out Daewoo Ticos.
18:00 – The Great Bake-off – As Paris Baguette opens it’s 7th store in Manhattan, contestants are faced with the task of putting sugar and corn where they shouldn’t be.
20:00 – The Motoring Show – The panel take a look at why Hyundai Motors is in a slump against foreign competitors in the domestic marketplace. It couldn’t possibly be because they price and quality-gouged locals for years whilst blocking imports, could it?
22:00 – Masterchef Korea – Korean people from across Korea are challenged to cook Korean things.