Very Reality TV!

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14:00  – Nature Documentary – This week we take a look at the ajumma in her natural habitat. Watch as she haggles for a magnificent pink and purple visor, which she will need to keep her hair tightly permed and the sun off her face. We also study how the visor empowers even the tiniest of the species to wholeheartedly ignore the laws of physics and decency when getting on and off the subway.

16:00 – Educating Seoul – Billy-Bob teacher ponders the question of just letting the little bastards sleep through class and teaching to the wall, rather than raising his blood pressure trying to wake them all up.

18:00 – Drama – Toss English – There are some inappropriate goings on the most inappropriately named hagwon chain, whilst Peggy-Sue must decide how the hell to put her three years of experience at this place on her resume.

20:00 – Come Fly With Me – This week Korean Air goes nuts as a prissy chaebol princess dictates the direction of an entire plane.

22:00 – Great Railway Journeys – Unfortunately, we’re unable to take the piss this week, as all the trains seem to be running on time, and the fares appear to be reasonable.

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What’s on Korean TV?

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14:00 – Kids Zone – Today’s nursery rhyme – Ten Green Soju Bottles, Standing on the Wall

16:00 – Game Show – The Age is Right – Contestants find out each other’s true ages, and then capitulate to the oldest in the group. Repeat

18:00 – Fashionista Korea – Hot favourite ‘Escort Agency Sexy Girl’ comes up against ‘Glacial Greed Pussy’ in this battle to be the most horrifically wrong garment.

20:00 – Consumer Watchdog – The team investigates the alcohol industry, following revelations that both Cass and Hite have been marketed to the public as beer.

22:00 – Koreans Being Korean – Two popular comedians visit the countryside to see an old lady boil the shit out of some vegetables. Repeat

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Today’s Highlights

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14:00 – MOVIE – Frozen – Peggy-Sue teacher asks the school principal to turn on the heating, only to be met with a response of ‘The cold never bothered me anyway.’ Peggy-Sue is compelled to ‘Let it go.’

16:00 – GAME SHOW – Toilet Paper Challenge – Contestants are fed a meal of beans and kimchi, and then run around Seoul looking for a bathroom with TP. Who can win the ultra-bonus points for finding soap, hot running water, and a functioning hand dryer?

18:00 – Evening News – Snow, hail and wind all hit Jeju, the veritable Hawaii of Korea.

20:00 – Kim Jong Illin’ – Youth Oriented Political Commentary. This week, westside is to be re-designated as northside by the wicked-cool leader.

22:00 – Super Adjosshi Man – The intrepid superhero is backed into a corner by a young traffic cop wanting to give him a ticket for running four red lights, but after quickly downing a bottle of soju, he magically absolves himself of all responsibility. Repeat

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Today’s Programming

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14:00 – Supermarket Sweep – Contestants try to sweep through the doors of the local HomePlus on mandatory closing day.

16:00 – Children’s Hour – This week’s nursery rhyme is ‘Ten Green Soju Bottles

18:00 – Mediocre Chef Korea – The six contestants are directed to use flavorings other than excessive amounts of chilli powder and garlic. Gordon Ramsay screams something about baby dogs when he is consequently served six bowls of white rice.

20:00 – Comedy – Morning Glory – Inappropriate and uncontrollable erections in a neighborhood stationery store.

22:00 – English Premier League Soccer Highlights – Footage of Park Ji-sung and nobody else. Ever.

 

This Week’s Programming

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14:00 – Mediocre Chef – The contestants are given the seemingly impossible task of serving meat free of bones.

16:00 – Educating Mokpo – Can Billy-Bob teacher survive against a rising tide of ‘teeeechuuurrrr game!’ at his hagwon? Meanwhile, leggy blonde Peggy-Sue teacher tries to visit the doctor, only to find she doesn’t have any insurance. Wonjang Kim suggests she try using his 53-year-old wife’s ID card, with comical results.

18:00 – Noisy Bastard Challenge – Three adjosshis, each armed only with a Bongo truck full of oranges and a PA system, compete to wake up an entire neighborhood. Repeat, first broadcast at 06:45. In the fucking morning.

20:00 – Oppan Gangnam Style – A camera crew follows a group of thugs hired by the Gangnam local government as they flip over food carts, all in a vain attempt to distract from the number of Anma establishments in the area.

22:00 – Consumer Watchdog – This week the show takes a look at the Korean car industry. It now transpires that a Hyundai is for some bloody stupid reason pricier than a BMW.

This Week’s Programming

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14:00 – Koreans being Korean – This week the group visits a restaurant, with the aim of eating some kimchi. Repeat 

16:00 – Drama Time – Won-seok and Bum-gu both find they have cancer, potentially caused by wooden acting skills. The handsome young doctor rushes to save them, but unfortunately, there is no other way for a character to die in a Korean drama. Repeat

18:00 – Evening News – Reports indicate that police are cracking down on brothels, but have been thwarted by the phrase ‘sports massage.’

20:00 – MBC Special – Waygooks in Trouble – Tonight a group of English teachers are investigated with a highly critical eye following a few drinks at a Cheongju watering hole. Yie Eun-woong is on hand to operate his tar-soaked brush.

22:00 – Talking With Waygooks – The panel this week discuss the possibility of enjoying Girls Generation music videos with the sound turned on. Subtitled for the hard of waygookin